It’s the new year….we know you know that! Are you thinking about your commitments for the coming year? Maybe you need to re-evaluate how you will spend your time in 2010. Or perhaps you want to drop some of the excess responsibilities you took on this year, realizing that too many commitments makes your life out of balance? Remember the saying, “If you keep on doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep on getting what you got?”

 

So here’s a little strategy from me to you that you may want to try. It could help you whittle down all of those commitments to the ones which are important to you. Give it a try and pledge to make 2010 a quality year for your personal and professional endeavors.

 

Day One: Make a list of the commitments you keep every week which are considered a matter of course for you. That’s it for today. Just making the list will bring all of them to the forefront of your mind.

 

Day Two: Look at that same list from Day One and put a star by those commitments you want to or need to keep. If you listed something like, get my daughter to piano practice or get the groceries in the house, that’s pretty much a no-brainer. Then take a hard look at your list again. Put an X by any commitments you wrote down that could be dropped or done by others. Notice what you’re feeling when you make that X. Guilt, glee, relief, fear? Write down next to the X what feelings come up when you think of letting go of that commitment.

 

Day Three: Now go deeper. Take some time with this one if you can. Ask yourself 3 questions:

1.    Do you say “yes” when you really want to say “No”?

2.    If your answer is “yes”…sit with it for a moment and see if you know why. Are you a pleaser? Do you fear being disliked or unloved? Is it just easier to take on another task than to risk others disappointment? Do you feel guilty and selfish if you say No?

3.    When and to whom are you able to say No? Your husband, your boss, your children? Perhaps yourself? Why do you feel safe saying No to these people and/or situations but you cannot in other situations?

 

Day Four: This is where it gets interesting. This is where you RET it. That’s right. It’s a buzzword I use that comes from Albert Ellis’ theory of Rational Emotive Therapy. This is where you ask yourself: “What’s the worst that can happen.”  That’s right. What’s the worst that can happen if you say No when you want to say Yes? Think of a couple of specific instances recently where you said “yes” and regretted it. What would have been the worst that could happen if you hadn’t?

 

Day Five: Practice saying No. That’s right. As you go about your day today, be conscious of your “yeses” and turn at least one into a No. You know you want to anyway. Start really small. It can be as simple as telling a co-worker or family member that you won’t do a request. Or you could try a larger, harder No when you decide to take the evening reading rather than doing everyone’s laundry. (By the way, that’s really a Yes to yourself)

 

Day Six: How uncomfortable was the exercise from Day Five? Write down how you felt saying No when you would have said Yes. Now go out and do it again today.

 

Day Seven: Go back to Day Three and re-read why you think you take on commitments you really do not want to do. Do you have any more insight than when you started at Day One? Have you learned any strategies to start clearing some of the frustrating commitments off your calendar? What are they? If you don’t know, go back to Days Four, Five and Six and work through the exercises again. 

By making the time to evaluate and clear out of your life commitments that are frustrating, time-wasting and made out of habit, you can find time to look again at new opportunities to spend time in meaningful ways in the future.

 

Linda Rendleman, M.S. is a speaker, author, facilitator, workshop presenter and President of Business Women Connect, Inc. She is available to speak on this and other topics at your next conference. You can find out more about Linda Rendleman at www.lindarendleman.com or www.businesswomenconnect.com.