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Blog - Linda's Views
Get a Happy Heart Get a Happy Heart
by Linda Rendleman, M.S.
(The article below is an excerpt from Linda Rendleman's book and audio book: Women Like Us: Real Stories and Strategies for Living Your Best Life)
When my grandson was about three years old he started preschool. Apparently, one day there had been a discussion about theheart. My daughter Catt called me to convey a conversation that evening that went something like this: "Austin, you must not take toys away from your baby brother". Austin replied, "But mommy, I don't want him to have my toy. Mommy, you are breaking my heart".
Even at a very young age we learn the significance of the center of our being - our heart. We can have our heart broken. We can have heartache. And, we can have heartfelt conversations. Think of a time when you were truly happy. Didn't your heart sing? In her book, Happy for No Reason, Marci Shimoff talks about living with a happy heart. She refers to the Institute of HeartMath which has performed studies on the heart, its contraction and expansion, its flutters and its energy. And, she shows us graphs in her book of a heart beating when the owner is frustrated and a heartbeating with appreciation one frenetic and fast, the other steady and rhythmic.
Our heart is our core and it's more than an analogy. It is an actual space of energy that reflects our feelings and our attitudes, our frustrations and our happiness, our anger and our peacefulness. So with those energies which flow through our hearts comes wellness orillness, peace or agitation, glee or sorrow. Balancing your life means getting a happy heart. The title of this section, remember, is balancing your own woman heart. So speaking about the heart, whose health is certainly reflected by your emotions and attitudes, is the cornerstone of your happiness which, as we know, brings balance. It all works together. So, if a happy heart makes you healthy and a happy heart brings balance to your life, how do you get one? How do you acquire and maintain a happy heart? If you are working toward equilibrium you will never get there if you focus only on the exterior of your life. The interior, the heart energy, is central to our own physical stability and sense of balance.
Last year I lived in an ashram in India for a period. I joined twenty other people on a humanitarian trip to the small village of Rishikesh located at the base of the Himalayan mountains along the Ganges River. We worked in an orphanage and studied the practice of yoga with international teachers. Despite the poverty of the village and the circumstances of the people there, a sense of peace and happiness abounded. These people truly had happy hearts. How did they get them? I think it was because they didn't have a lot ofexpectations. I think it was because they accepted their lives on aday-to-day basis. The people in this village in India do not haveopportunities like we do in the United States. They do not have thereal chance of an education, a better car, a bigger house. But whatthey do have is the opportunity to live their lives in their own smallway, in their own small space of earth, without prospect of much else. I got into a heated discussion about this style of life with afriend of mine when I returned. He heartily (there's that word again) felt that it was disgraceful that the caste system of India kept peoplefrom personal growth. I agree, but, having been with them first handI also believe that there is a certain peace and calm that comeswith acceptance of one's life and living it with acceptance as it is given to you; a lesson for all of us.
Some things that happen to us in life are more painful than others. I imagine that you, like me, have had some paintful times to get over. I remember a particular pain from a relationship that simply took me time to get over. I was crazy about a man who could never be right for me. Our worlds would never be able to mesh, but the fact that he was so different is what made him exciting and interesting to me. I truly had a broken heart when it was finished.
I would have given anything to make my heart happy again. It was at this time in my life when I learned about Tony Robbins and his teachings on self-empowerment. Tony said that to get over something painful, each time you think of it you must respond differently, and the response should be something completely crazy and silly to take your mind off of your sadness. At this point I was willing to try anything to get over my sadness and pain over the end of the relationship. So in an attempt to make my heart happy, each time I would feel my heart fill up with those sad, lonely feelings I would hold my nose and make a crazy whooping sound. Really-I really did it. Did it make my heart happy? I don't know, but it did make me realize how silly I can be even in the midst of heartache-and how important it is to stay in the moment and treat the pain as opposed to trying to bury it. We all know that never works, right?
How do you get a happy heart? How do you create that emotional balance from your innermost core? One way you will not get it is by taking yourself too seriously. When I held my nose and whooped to the world, I certainly didn't take myself seriously. Another way to a happy heart is fervently practicing things like forgiveness, gratitude, graciousness and patience. When I was younger there was a very brief time in my life when I was a stay-at-home mom with babies. I remember this time as one of the hardest for me as a young woman. Jane and Catt's father worked very long hours and there were times that I might not leave the house for three or four days at a time. Sick babies and mommy responsibilities can keep you pretty isolated. Of course I loved my babies but there would be times when my heart was not happy and I felt trapped and unfulfilled. There are probably many of you who have done the hard work, no matter how rewarding, of staying home with young children and feeling a little claustrophobic at times. I learned a lesson from my mom about how to treat that depressive, misunderstood, down kind of feeling that comes from feeling out of touch and overused. The answer: do something for someone else. Essentially, stop feeling sorry for yourself. Do something to make someone else happy. That's one of the best ways to getting a happy heart.
When you let someone go in front of you at the grocery store, take the time to compliment the server at a restaurant, help a stranger with packages or deliver a surprise note of thanks just because, you go a long way toward getting out of your own head and heart, and expanding others. And in doing small things to make others' hearts happy you are creating your own happy heart. Getting and keeping a happy heart takes practice and patience. It's a kind of "don't sweat the small stuff"philosophy and an intentional practice of being gratefully aware of each and every day. And with pleasure in your heart, you are closer to overall balance and equilibrium. We are currently researching happiness for an upcoming book. Would you be willing to take our happiness survey? Here's the link: HAPPINESS SURVEY
Learn more about change with the E-Mentoring Program for Change at www.businesswomenconnect.com. Linda Rendleman is available to speak on this and other topics pertaining to business and professional women's professional and personal growth. You may contact her at linda@businesswomenconnect.com or linda@lindarendleman.com
Linda's Views is a Business and Professional Women's Blog
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